This week I finally did it—I cut my bangs. A life-crisis that every female comes into contact with. My first round with bangs was when my mom attempted to sustain my innocence behind and adorable haircut that worked wonders on my father when he was angry.
Now, this hair style is something that can be hard to maintain. Even knowing that this hairstyle would take work I was hooked on the decision and went for it, I sent a quick text and had my friend Sara do the honors. With one swift movement of her hand I heard the sharp blades of the scissors slice through my hair and I stopped breathing.
But, what I didn't know was that when you shower you have to blow-dry them or your hair the next day might as well be a hat. So, amateur me woke up the morning after my first shower with bangs and I looked into the mirror and couldn't help but laugh at the all-to familiar hairstyle I was supporting. I kid you not my hair looked exactly like it did in the above photo just on nineteen-year-old Natalie.
"Make a beautiful mess and clean it up later"
I laughed. Sometimes all we can do is laugh at the ridiculous way we sloppily carry ourselves through this life. We ALL want to think that we have it all together at some points in our lives. But, if we were to be completely honest I think that we would all agree with one another that there are sometimes moments where our messiness is so demanding that its laughable, and this is good.
We are all messy. We are all overworked and tired. We are all zombies of technology and if you're not, you're probably not reading this right now. I think its incredible how we live in a world where we all put off a seemingly perfect image but we all know that everyones lying. BEING MESSY IS GOOD.
I grew up with a wild imagination and friends that helped me exhaust it. My two sisters and I grew up across the street from four other children, two of which we were very close with. We used to be obsessed with Build-A-Bear's. When I say that we were obsessed I mean we literally didn't speak to each other for a year unless it was spoken "through" the bears. We used to have sleepovers with our bears and our neighbors mom would let us build forts in a little closet they had in one of their bedrooms. Looking back at it now it probably made their mom go crazy because we would take everything out of the closet so that we could all squeeze inside of it to sleep. But, it was beautiful. Inside of this messy 5x8 closet was a world of imagination that could never be recreated. I like to think that their mom came into a room torn apart by children that never left her house and knew that this beautiful creativity was fleeting and that's why she let us do it time and time again.
The words "beautiful" and "mess"coincide so perfectly in our imperfect lives. The exquisite paradox is something that we need to cherish.
Beautiful: (noun)- excellent of its kind, wonderful
Mess: (noun)- dirty, difficult,or disordered
We are excellent difficult things. We are wonderfully disordered. We are people who are not perfect. We all have our things, our struggles. My mess is my thoughts and this week I learned a lot from trying to explore some of them. I began listing off things that were running through my mind at that moment and I got words like bland, normal, unimportant, and fine. Then I saw a photo online of a new fashion line that came out. This line is incredible, it's different and unlike anything any normal person would usually wear. But I found it to be amazing and it clicked in my head that this is something that makes a lot of people happy. These different clothing items make people happy because they are unique and we like that when its external.
We cherish the oddities in life.
We love variety.
We THRIVE when people notice our differences.
We live in a culture that is obsessed with different people. We love finding gems in this world that stand out because we are so sick of normal. I know that we can all agree with this in larger terms but why can't we come to terms with this in our own lives. Be different. Embrace the internal mess just as we embrace the external. Go outside with air-dried bangs and KILL IT. People accept mess, we're just afraid to accept our own.We were not created to be perfect and I think it is far past time that we decide to live by that. He doesn't make mistakes so lets stop treating our messiness as one.
With this being said, I am learning that the messiness in us does not define us. It's something that will be there in our underlying personality but it isn't stagnant. Our mess isn't permanent, it can be cleaned. Thats the beautiful thing about redemption, the beautiful thing about being bought and refined by the King. We serve a careful God that loves his children in their mess. Sometimes He looks into our rooms where we have torn our everything in our closet and He smiles because He knows that the mess is the beginning of something wonderful. He knows that that very moment is fleeting and that we can learn from it.
When I was little my mom was really good about teaching us how to properly clean. My worst fear was that I wouldn't clean something correctly because then she would make me redo it. This is something that I've been sifting through in my life. Sometimes God has you clean up the mess, He wants you to pick up the things you've recklessly torn out and put them back. Sometimes, He wants you to throw them away. But, He is faithful to help in this process. He wants to help you pick up the pieces of your mess and He wants to walk through it with you. Messiness in your life is inevitable, its going to be there. But when the mess gets too big, don't worry because the Lord is a cleanser. He is faithful to walk by you in your mess, through your mess, and after the mess is cleaned up.
We are all in different seasons, different places in our lives. Whether you're in a season of brilliant joy or in one of crippling depression there are those moments where you catch yourself performing. Lets allow ourselves to be real about our mess because sometimes that's one of the most beautiful places to be in.
The most beautiful you is the one that stubs her toe and dances across the room in an extreme effort not to cry. The most beautiful you is the one that cries when old people talk to you. The most beautiful you is the one that refuses to call your dog by her real name just because the name Pancake makes you happy. The most beautiful you is the one that trips in a tunnel trying to do parkor like Schmidt from New Girl and falls but laughs.
The most beautiful you is the one thats reading this right now and realizing that she is strong and worthy of respect and that nothing she can do can change that in the eyes of her Jesus.
She laughs at the days to come.
Let us not be paralyzed with the fear of being okay but, let us be made free by the ability to not be.
Y O U A R E L O V E D